


The Art of Dying

by Tea_Times_Over



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Depressed Eren Yeager, Depressing, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Foster Care, M/M, Orphan Eren Jeager, Past Levi/Petra, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:36:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13394787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tea_Times_Over/pseuds/Tea_Times_Over
Summary: My very existence bends the definition of truth. My whole life I was taught the courage of stars but never really learned. For me my brokenness was a form of art.  I have endured countless battles but yet the war extends. I could never grasp the art of living so why not thrive in the art of dying, its easier that way.





	1. Distortion of Life

**Author's Note:**

> (Story rated mature for depressing themes)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Attack On Titan or any of its themes or characters. All art in this fan fiction are not created by me. Work will be credited to original authors. Any of the music and their lyrics used in this fan fiction are not mine and therefore will be created to the original authors. The Cover was layered by me but I lay no claim to the art itself.

**_(Disclaimer: I don't claim this song in anyway)_ **

 

**[{X}](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0czaAGnUgD0) **

 

**_{War : Former Vandal}_ **

  _You run, like the letters on these pages. I'm not sick but still so far away from sane._

  _Nightmares, but I haven't slept in ages. The battles won, but there's still poison in our veins. We've lost control, anything but gently down the stream. Hold me close, hold me tell me life is but a dream. Save me, I think I'm losing my mind. You said you'd come for me when the world swallows me whole. Well, this is war. Save me, 'cause the battles won but the war is still to fight. You said you'd come for me when the world swallows me whole. Well, this is war. Well, this is war._

  _You breathe like your lungs aren't full of matches. Every careful word you speak has a chance of sparking fire. I hope I can sleep straight through the madness. But I can't even tell when I'm sleeping anymore. We've lost control, anything but gently down the stream. Hold me close, hold me tell me life is but a dream. Save me, I think I'm losing my mind. You said you'd come for me when the world swallows me whole. Well, this is war. Save me, 'cause the battles won but the war is still to fight. You said you'd come for me when the world swallows me whole. Well, this is war. Let the darkness come for me, let it try to steal my soul. As if I had a soul to steal. Hold me tell me life is but a dream. Save me, I think I'm losing my mind_

 °°°°°°°°°°

The song itself couldn't be more true except for its certain flaws. There was no one to save me, as cliche as that sounds. So many nightmares yet no sleep. My mind was lost, I wish my life could be a delusion, a fantasy. But the reality of it all was simple, I had to stop hallucinating. This was the day that started it all. My twelve year old self didn't quite really understand everything that was going on, yet it happened all the same. It was an average day in the life of Eren Jeager. Torment was a normal thing for me, so it came as no surprise to the predicament I found myself in that day.

 °°°°°°°°°°

" _Get the hell up loser!"_

_My head was threatening to crack open with every word._

_My eyes slowly open to reveal dark clouds but quickly I find my self shutting them blinded by the heavy rain. My head feels un-naturally heavy and my mind is fogged with pain. I move to get up but soon I'm stopped by a boot slamming me back down on to the concrete floor. I can't help the groan that escapes my throat._

_Pathetic Yeager."_

_Ugh, Jean Kirstein. A loser with no life who gets off on beating the crap outta me._

_I'm pathetic? Look who's ta-" A swift kick to my face has me curling on my side._

" _Damn Ymir, that was a good one."Jean crackles. I hear Ymir mumble like it was nothing._

" _Aw, Eren looks like he's gonna cry." That was Reiner Braun._

_I press my head to the concrete and bite my lip hard drawing blood to stop the retort. Anything I say will just earn me a bruised rib. Its all pointless anyways, I always told myself that I could be strong. I was so sure that if I just continued to say it, it would eventually happen. I was taught that with enough courage and hope, you could rattle the stars. But look where that got me, there are no stars, no hope, and no courage._

_I slowly move to get on my knees and my breath gets knocked out of me again. This time Ymir doesn't let up and swiftly kicks me contentiously. When I fall down face first I don't get back up this time. I'm panting and feel as though I'm on the verge of passing out. But I distantly hear yelling._

" _Get off him!" Mikasa?_

_"Eren!" Yeah, definitely Mikasa._

_"Dammit lets go, Ymir get off him hurry the hell up!" Jean quickly shouts before running off into the school building._

_She kicks me in the face one last time for good measure before tailing Jean and Reiner. I linger there on the ground not having enough strength to get up. The rain seems to come down harder, a few pathetic tears stain my checks, I try to convince myself its just rain. Soon Mikasa is by my side with a panting Armin._

" _Eren get up don't fall asleep." Armin practically squeaks._

_Mikasa and Armin each grab one of my arms and help me sit upon my knees. My eye is throbbing and I know that it will bruise badly._

_"Come on lets get you up and out of this rain." I hear Mikasa's calm voice._

_With a sigh I get up but quickly regret it. My mind is swarming and my knees buckle. Armin and Mikasa soon catch me before I fall and help steady me. With each of them on either side of me we walk over to the undercover of the entrance of our school. They slowly set me down on one of the steps, I grunt from the pain._

_"I'll be right back, I'm gonna get the nurse Eren." I grab Armin to stop him from going._

_"Eren?" He questions me. Ugh, this is such a pain._

_"No, I'm fine." My voice is low and laced with pain. It sounds pathetic, even to my own ears._

_"What? No, Eren you need the nurse and soon, Armin hurry and go get her. Tell her its an emergency." Mikasa says._

_Armin makes a move to get up and hurry to the nurse again but this time my yelling has him stopping._

_"Armin! Dammit! I said no! I don't need nor want your help!"_

 °°°°°°°°°°

I wish I could go back and redo that day for this alone. I regret the things I said, as they were to be the last things I told my best friends since childbirth. At the time I didn't know that this was to be the last time I ever saw them. It was one of my biggest regrets that I was forced to live with.

 °°°°°°°°°°

_He instantly stops and looks at Mikasa. I breath a heavy sigh and slowly get up. Mikasa immediately starts to protest while trying to get me back down but I ignore her._

" _No Mikasa!" I take a deep calming breath slowly letting it back out._

 " _I'm gonna head home. Don't really feel like coming to school today. I'll see you both later on." I give a pitiful look and walk back out into the rain._

_There quick to object but soon stop realizing thats its not negotiable. I'm tired, and soaked, going home is all I'm thinking about at this point. The idea that it'll take forty minutes of talking to get there seems to make me more tired. The thought leaves me promenading like a drunk person. At this point in time thats exactly what I look like. Staggering in the rain with a bruised black and blue face would make anyone think that I was drunk. Hell, who cares, not like I'm trying to please anybody. The small grin I give immediately causes me to wince. My hand automatically comes up to inspect my face. A busted lip, bruised cheek bone and a throbbing eye. I must look like a true beauty._

_God dammit!_

_Stupid Jean. I hate him. I hate everything about him. His horrible attitude and his friends. Not that I'll every do anything about it though. I've come to learn that its better to say nothing at all. Nothing I do will ever help me, I'm hopeless. I've learned the key to success in my life, surrender. I've tried the other ways, theirs nothing left._

_I'm home before I know it. The shouting and curses from my neighbors confirm it for me. I live in a run down house in a pretty shity area. The whole block looks the same, old peeling houses beer bottles littering most lots and aged cigarettes laying all over the sidewalks. Home sweet home. The inside of my house is no better. The only difference is the fact that the inside looks more run down than the outside. Not one surface isn't littered with some type of alcohol. It doesn't make any sense to me. My dads never home, I never get to see him, one outta seven. Thats how many days I actually see him out of the week, not a full day either. I sometimes catch him right before he's about to leave to do what ever he does. He used to be a doctor, made good money and most importantly loved and supported me and my mom. Its different now, things changed and with it my life went insane. I wake up on most Monday mornings with thirty dollars on my night stand along with a note that says 'don't know when I'll be home again make it last two weeks.'_

_I guess thats fine though, I can handle it. I'm not worth my dads time, not anyone's. I can live with the fact that life is never gonna get easier. But what I can never get over is the loneliness. It eats away at me. But I deserve it. Day after day, my very existence is proof of that. Its all I can think as I put on a pair of sweatpants and lie down. My mind and body desperately long for sleep, so I succumb to it._

 °°°°°°°°°°

Yet I never got that bleak peaceful trance. Sirens and voices had pulled me from my desperately needed sleep. I can still remember the pounding of boots that came from the first floor of my house. Hear the shouts of men giving orders. Remember the shocked face of the women who found me lying on my sad attempt of a bed that consisted of sheets on the floor. I didn't quite understand what was going on. One minute I was on the ground and the next I was being shoved into a dark sleek car with only a grocery bag filled with my belongings. I was completely terrified. These people were taking me from the only home I knew without reason. Twelve year old me didn't want to go, didn't want to leave the only place of pathetic comfort that I had. I cried, I cried when the pulled out of the parking lot not listening to my screams. I wailed when they drove past my school, I yelled till I passed out from exhaustion, the last thing I remember was the sign of Leaving Shiganshina.

My life was forever changed, never to be the same again. I later found out that my father had been charged with molestation and attempted second degree murder. I didn't understand, all I knew was that I was completely alone. No friends, no family, nothing but my very own consciousness of my mind and that scared me.

I no longer wish for the hope of a better tomorrow. Life is impenetrable. Nothing is capable of understanding its secrecy. I think thats why everyone seeks to perceive the art of living in its rawest form. But somehow I'm not. They think life is something worth living for, that fuels their desire. But how could that be true for someone with no passion, a life thats not worth living? I call it the art of dying. The illusion that something could be so broken, that its beautiful.


	2. Temptation of Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm gonna be real with you here Eren. From a professional point of view your chances of finding a home are none next to zero. Your a sixteen almost seventeen year old defiant teenager. Its hard to find a place for someone who's almost all grown up, most families want a baby and little kids which you clearly aren't. It's come to my understanding that a few of your social workers have been previously fired for putting you in unreasonable and invalids homes. That's why I'm here, I'm who they call when kids are in desperate situations. The names Rico Brzenska, I've previously introduced myself but it seems you were other wise occupied."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following image is what I imagine Eren to look like in this fic. I couldn't for the life of me find the creator of said image. If you look closer at the bottom theirs a signature so all credit of this image goes to them. Anyways enjoy this beautiful Eren artwork. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️  
> [](https://imgbb.com/)  
> 

One extravagant gold, the other a brilliant emerald. The gold from my mothers loving eyes and the emerald from my fathers approving ones; or at least it used to be like that. The gold stands out more due to the huge purple bruise forming around it. I tentatively poke at the bruised area and wince. The pain doesn't stop there though. Under my green eye a massive discolored mark is swelling and sensitive. My lip is busted and dry blood is caked over it. My face is only the start of my injures. I turned the faucet on to wipe away the blood. I cup my hands under the water flow and splash my face wetting the tips of my hair. With a heavy sigh I turn it off and walk away from the mirror to take a seat on my bed. I exhale deeply while rubbing my face. The pain is a throbbing reminder of what happened- I hate it. I can embrace the pain, live off it. But I refuse to embrace the memories that come with it, pathetic really. It would be so easy to just claim myself to be melancholic, dejected, fed up, in pain. But then I remember how much more pitiful that makes me. Its unbearable to think that I could succumb to the temptation of my vulnerability. So I do the only thing I know, I obliterate my sensibility and give into my neutral mind set. Anything to distract me from the agonizing thoughts-  _it works_.

I haven't been to school due to the fact that I can't seem to give a shit about it right now. It feels absolutely pointless, I'm uprooted from every thing, nothing seems to stick. Not my friends, nor a family, not even a constant town. I haven't stayed in one place for longer than six months in five years. It seems as though there not the problem though, I am. I'm a constant; a constant nuisance, regret and disappointment. I'm an expiration date, eventually I'll expire and there will be nothing left except black letters; a sign of my torment.

I groan but yet I get up to start getting ready for my tiresome day that awaits. Considering its already eleven and a social worker should be down to up root me at one, I take my time. Finding some black form fitting jeans I throw them on. I look around for a shirt and find a gray one on the floor. I pick it up and attentively smell it. Deciding it doesn't smell bad at all, actually quite the contrary, I put it on. I quickly don on my socks and shoes before grabbing my black hoodie off my bed. As I grab it something falls out of the pocket and I go to pick it up. The small white and red box is heavy in my hand, a weight that drags down my bones. There cigarettes, I don't see how something so small could kill millions of people. It must be nice, a couple puffs a day and life will go away. It all just depends on perceptive. It's like a personal accessory to suicide itself. It would be so easy to just stop; stop thinking, talking, breathing. I hastily shake my head and head towards the door.  _No Eren, don't think that, not now._ I can't make my hands stop shaking, so I shove them in my pockets and lock my thoughts away; it  _always_  seems to work.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The chill outside sets a melancholy tone, the clouds are low bringing forth a winter wind. I don't mind, its refreshing. The piercing on my lip freeze's against my skin quickly. There not many in all, maybe only five in totally. All basically placed, ears and lips except for the one done due to a dare and bottle of Jack Daniels, my nipple still sorta stings in old agony when I think about it. Yet these thoughts aren't enough to district me from my very mind.

The worlds frozen around me, every blade of grass, every sound a whisper. The wind calms for a breath and the leafs stop falling from trees. Everything's so still its hurts to breathe, my lungs forget how to work. The mist becomes heavier with regret, I'm on my knees choking on quiet sobs that rack my body. My mind spirals out of control, every thought is haywire. My hands desperately claw at my exposed skin needing to feel nothing but everything at once. My teeth clamp down on to my hand in a moment of depression bringing forth the much needed sense of nothingness as my mind focuses on the burning pain in my hand. The blood flow is strong and relentless, leaking onto the frozen ground staining my world in red.

I wasn't ready, I was tired and weak. I couldn't keep moving being passed on when I wasn't needed anymore. It was a never ending cycle that'd failed to keep me whole. A vicious yet regretful never-ending story of torment that I called life. Memories that are layered down to decay and feelings that are passed by with out a second thought. Yet this is all I am, all thats left. A bag of skin, bones and regret. So I go on, lying to myself; tomorrow will be better. I know it won't. I'll be happier in a couple weeks; not possible. Someone will eventually love me; someone who can't love themselves can't be loved. Its an authentic principle really, but thats okay. I go on, get up and move; I don't feel my legs start to work again or the tears that slowly descend down my cheek. I move on, fighting pointless battles with one thought in my mind: wars will eventually be lost and mine was nearing its final, my very own wounded, beginning of the end.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

I can't quite grasp the reason someone could endure living an unwanted life. Points and reason hold no value in this realm of the living. How could someone fathom the thought of saying everything was okay when clearly there not? How could I allow myself to be passed on from one place to the next, without a word of complaint? For reasons and words beyond my vocabulary I allowed such actions to take place. Yet I endure-

"Are you even listening to me Eren?" Words coated in unbelief and dubiety greet me without a sense of remorse.

A women maybe in her earlier thirties with dyed greyish white bob cut hair meets my vision. Glasses frame her reserved, blue timid eyes. Yet no name comes to mind as I give her a dumbfounded glance. The women begins hounding me before I can even hope for a chance to speak.

"I'm gunna be real with you here Eren. From a professional point of view your chances of finding a home are none next to zero. Your a sixteen almost seventeen year old defiant teenager. Its hard to find a place for someone who's almost all grown up, most families want a baby and little kids which you clearly aren't. It's come to my understanding that a few of your social workers have been previously fired for putting you in unreasonable and invalids homes. That's why I'm here, I'm who they call when kids are in desperate situations. The names Rico Brzenska, I've previously introduced myself but it seems you were other wise occupied."

A light blush seems to make it self known across my face and an awkward cough is all I can give.

"Now according to your file your quite the trouble maker. Twelve foster homes and two groups homes within a five year span. Its quite the list you've got going here. Honestly even I'm at a loss for what to do. Tell me, is there any reason why you can't be at group homes long before your kicked out or other wise dismissed from the home?"

Memories threatened to surface but the process of dragging my nails against my hand helped contain them.

"What? Don't tell me there paying you to be my shrink now too? Is that even allowed? Shouldn't this relationship be kept strictly professional Ms. Brzenska? Wouldn't you'd agree?" My tone was slightly aggressive and mocking, show casing my immaturity at its finest.

"Well Mr. Jeager I can't say I'm pleased. Though I have been informed of your previous history of homes and circumstances, I believe such acts upon you require some sort of counseling but the state nor will I force anything upon you unless asked. " Her tone held nothing but sincerity.

"Well I guess it's a good thing I'm not asking then right?" Her sigh was all I got in response to the topic at hand.

"In other news, I'm going to be placing you in a sort of temporary situation. Honestly I've had your file for a couple weeks yet no homes have agreed to take you in. But I have found a solution to require more time in the process of finding you a home. Honestly all thats left to look at after this last home is probably a group home till you turn eighteen. Getting emancipated isn't an option here, I've tried talking to a couple judges but regarding your situation the state doesn't seem to think that its a good course of action for the time being." Her pause was a great time for me to intervene with my smart mouth.

"I get it alright, nobody wants my pathetic ass and the government thinks I'm irresponsible. It's all stuff I already know, I don't care. We all known in about a year and a half when I'm eighteen the system will wash there hands away with me. I won't be there problem anymore, so who gives a shit. I know I don't so honestly just stick me anywhere, the drug addicts, the abusive ones any cliche foster home will work. Who knows, maybe I'll end up running away or dead in a ditch and save us all from my problematic ass." I don't stop scraping at my hand, at this point its an agitated red color on the brink of tearing open.

So I settle for looking out the window, colors blur and time races but yet not a single heartbeat of mine goes noticed. My mind seems to wander, on everything really. The oiled leather seats, my distressed shoes, even the lint thats growing on the inside of my jacket pocket. Worlds fly by, but yet I am stuck in infinity.

"Eren, look at me." Her tone leaves no room for arguing. My guarded gaze slowly meets hers.

"I want a good home for you, and I know some pretty good people who might be able to provide that, I just need you to be  _willing_ to try. Can I ask that from you?" A head nod is all I give in terms of listening.

_Willing_ to try? I  _was_ , but now it seems to be five years to late. I was  _willing_ when my first foster home burned the bottom of my feet with cigarette buds for talking when not spoken to. I was  _willing_ when at thirteen I was beat for not cleaning correctly. I was  _willing_ the first time I went to an all boys group home before I lost my humanity and dignity for daring to think one of them was cute. It was my mistake and I'll pay for it the rest of my life in tears, blood and nightmares of plastic grim touches.

But I don't dare to say any of this, for I learned a long time ago, some things are left better unsaid.

"Okay then. He's a family friend, and his nephew lives with him. I don't know to much about the kid besides he's roughly the same age as you, I believe he's a couple mouths older though. I'm hoping you can get along and who knows even possible make a friend or two. The area he lives in could be better but thats okay because I know for a fact he'll take care of you, he's a great guy. He hasn't been told of any of your previous situations just that fact that you desperately need some where to live right now. I need you to be respectful and remember that this man is letting you into his home and life along with his nephews. Okay?" Her professional demeanor slightly drops as she speaks.

I won't promise, or agree to anything. Everything I commit to seems to backfire. I already know that these people who agreed to take care of me are screwed. Everything I touch disintegrates, to be dust by morning. I can only give a somber nod and slightly rise my voice beyond a whisper when I say,

"So who is this poor bastard that agreed to take me in any way?"

"Kenny. Kenny Ackerman."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! When I see that people have actually read and left kudos on this story it makes my heart burst lol. I also have this story on Wattpad if you guys want to see the amazing visual images that I intended to go with this fic. Anyways, I look forward to the next chapter. ~ R&R ~ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️


	3. No Place Like Home:Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A guy leaves for six months and the imbeciles he calls class mates seem to think he was gone to take care of his bastard child or some shit. They leached off of drama and Levi despised it. It felt as though he was in a zoo, there were brats yelling everywhere, whispering like no one could here them. Pointing and staring at the new attraction, him.

He would never understand the importance of feeble minded horny teenagers who seemed to need drama every second of there lives. A guy leaves for six months and the imbeciles he calls class mates  seem to think he was gone to take care of his bastard child or some shit. They leached off of drama and Levi despised it. His day couldn't get much worse. It felt as though he  was in a zoo, there were brats yelling everywhere, whispering like no one could here them. Pointing and staring at the new attraction,  _him_. To make it all the more horrifying shitty glasses wouldn't stop screaming in his ear. 

"Levi, Levi! I can't believe your back, short stack." Hanji exclaimed while hanging off Levi's arm.  

Short stack my ass, he couldn't help but think, he was defiantly at least two inches taller then there 5'4.  The glare he pointedly gave them did nothing to wipe that smug look off there face. 

"There just excited Levi, we all are. I mean its been what, six almost seven months since we've last seen you? Were all really happy that your back. How'd France treat you?" Petra gushed, excitement and an admiration donned her features.

Petra. He hadn't seen any of his friends since he left abroad to France six months ago but out of most of them she was definitely one is missed most. They'd previously been in a relationship together before he left and they both decided it was for the best to end it. But honestly that didn't stop the hurt from coming. They had previously been in a relationship for two years before he left her. He'd known her for a lot longer though, since he was in fifth grade and she was one of the first to offer to spend recess with him. He had loved her but yet he knew that he wasn't in love with her. At least thats what he told himself he had to believe. 

"Is that big bro I here?" Isabel's passionate voice boomed. He only caught sight of her red pig tales before her body force slammed into him. He caught himself before they both went tumbling to the floor. 

"Your back! Big bro your home!" Soft cries escaped her as he hugged her back with a soft grin, replaying. 

"I'm home Iz." 

"Took ya long enough, I was just about ready to beg Farlan to get get tickets to fly out there."

Isabel's wiped the tears from her eyes as Farlans booming laughter interrupted anything he had to say to that. Farlan clasped his shoulder in a playful grace. 

"Better count yourself lucky man, she was literally one call away from bragging your ass back home." 

"Missed you too ass face. " Levi's tone held playful mirth. 

Erwin, Oluo, Eld and Gunther all gathered around to greet there friend back, each giving there own acknowledgment in a greeting. 

"Glad to have you home Levi, The place hasn't been the same with out in months." Erwin pronounced practically the spitting image of Captain American with his big smile.   

"Considering I left in April roughly six months ago give or take, I'm glad I'm back too." 

He then swiftly turned towards Hanji.

"But I swear shity glasses talk about my old height aga-" The threat goes unfinished due to Hanji interrupting him with a sheepish grin . 

"Aww, thats the old sweet tempered Levi we know! Come, let us eat and hear your stories from beyond our shores!"

Erwin clapped me on my back about to led me towards the front doors but I quickly side swept them. 

"You know normally I'm not so prudish but we all have this thing called class that I haven't been to in six months. I'm sure they'll put to and to together." 

"Ahh Levi have you converted to the teachers pet side. Now we know exactly how you earned that abroad trip, hmm. " Hanji's tone leaked with suggestiveness as she wiggled her brows. 

"Just the fuck up shity glasses." Levi said with a dead on stare. 

"Levi, come on, live a little. We haven't seen ya for a long time. We need this, we'll spend the rest of are lives behind desk so why not have a little fun while were young." Isabel practically begged. 

She shot him a big smile with pouting eyes and that's all he needed before they were walking towards the school's parking lot, no one complaining in the slightest. 

 °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° 

Between the craziness he called Hanji and seeing all his friends for the first time in six months Levi was absolutely exhausted. He hadn't been home since he got back. He dropped his files and reports off to the school office when he flew in around ten in the morning before heading off with his friends. Hanging out with his friends had been nice, a breathe of fresh air to say the least. Except for the very award moments that were inevitable. 

 °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_"SO my munchkin enlighten me, how was France really? Tell me all about the great french ass ya got there!" Hanji squealed with glee trying but horribly failing at portraying an accent with the word France._

_"Fuck off, four eyes." Levi's gun steal glare could kill but was no match for Hanji enthusiasm._

_"Ah Levi come on. I'm only curious here, enlighten me. I'm dying to know what our dear Levi has been up to." Her eyes practically bugged._

_"More like who..." Erwin stated playfully with a mocking undertone. He backed down with a chuckle as soon as Levi stared him into the ground._

_"Well we be considered liars if we said we weren't the least bit interested man. I mean we know you haven't been with anyone since you were desperately pining after Petra a couple months ago.  Are ya over her ye-oww." Oluo was interrupted with a punch to the gut delivered by Isabel._

_A somber silence fell upon the group. Grim yet serene  emotions portrayed on the friends faces._

_Farlan was quick to try and regain the playfully mood but to no avail the damage had been done. Levi wanted to bury it in the back of his mind were he wouldn't have to re-live it every time he opened his eyes, so he did._

 °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He'd constantly missed home in France yet he had stayed for the experience which he couldn't say he regret. The place was beautiful, and extravagant, he even planed on going back but the radiant beauty could only settle his yearning for home for so long.  

Levi felt as though he was missing way to much, his asshole of an uncle that he loved but wouldn't say out loud, he'd be to tough for that. He missed Shiganshina's could weather and rainy days. He missed his best friends and familiar surroundings. He missed the nostalgic feeling this district gave him that'd he'd never find in Paris. He'd missed warm smiles and lovely eyes, amber ones to be exact. 

Levi was reminded of how much he missed. Reminded of what he currently didn't have and a deep ache formed, for her. He could still feel light-ginger strands glistening under his trembling fingers. Soft pink lips that smiled and grinned at him in earnest. But most of all he missed the bitter sweat sensation that was brought with all these physical attributes. 

His mind and body screamed to remember, her hands and her ever following love. He hated himself in that moment, he'd long come to realize he still wanted her,  _needed_  her. But that wasn't to be for the more he thought the desire grew but he knew he'd soon leave before he let that happen. He couldn't break her heart all over again, it was unforgivable.  

His thoughts were momentarily paused as he entered the house he'd called home before leaving for six months.  He'd been living with Kenny his legal guardian and uncle since he was ten. Kenny wasn't a bad man, that didn't mean he was necessarily good either. He lied, was greedy at times, and drank away his problems, it didn't make him bad, just human and thats all Levi could ask for. He'd be forever grateful for the man, he was there when no one else was. 

"Levi my boy, is that you?" It was nice to hear his uncle's voice after a while and it clicked in place for him there, he was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took soo long and I'm sorry. My goal is to have an update out before Sunday every week, anyways thanks for the kudos guys. Our lovely angsty Eren will be in the next chapter I swear. I'll also have more story and plot instead of so much dialog in the next few updates I promise. Anyways R & R guys! ❤️❤️❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first fan-fiction here on Ao3! *:･ﾟ✧ (>◕ヮ◕)>*:･ﾟ✧Anyways enjoy the story and comment what you guys think, thanks! R&R, (｡◕‿◕｡)


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